Sweet start!

X is someone I know working at an SMS solutions company in Egypt.

So X gets an email from A working at one of the two cellular network providers in Egypt referring him to an "important" prospective client, a Mr. Gamal (no not Mubarak Jr.).

X calls A.

X: So who is this Gamal guy?

A: He needs to send *alot* of SMSs. And I mean *ALOT*.

X: Really? Where does this guy work? What's he advertising?

A: Uhh.. I think you better speak to him directly. I did what I had to do and refer you to him. His number is in the email.

X: Yeah I noticed. Alright then I'll get to that. Thanks.

A: Don't mention it.

X calls Mr. Gamal

Gamal: WHO IS THIS?

X: Mr. Gamal?

Gamal: SPEAKING. WHO IS THIS?

X: Hello Sir.. this is X from ... We got information that you needed to send several SMS ads?

Gamal: Ah. You're the message people.

X: (message people? :-/) Yes Sir.

Gamal: I will call you back.

In a few moments X gets "private call" displayed on his cellular. He answers.

Gamal: I need to send 18 million messages...

X: (not believing his ears.. knowing that that's simply impossible, he still imagines the amount of money out of this guy) Sorry Sir how many messages??!

Gamal: I SAID 18 MILLION MESSAGES. I WANT..

X:(cutting him short) Uhh I'm sorry Sir.. That's pretty much impossbile.. We don't have that number of cellular phone numbers in our database...

Gamal: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

X: I'm sorry Sir but we only have 800,000 cellular phone numbers in our database...

Gamal: WHAT?! 800,000 ONLY?!?! ONLY?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING?!

X: No Sir.. well if we include the numbers that aren't registered for ads then thats 1.5 million numbers... but those numbers aren't authorized for sms ads.. but I think we can see about that...

Gamal: WHAT? ONLY?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I WANT 18 million!!

X: Sir the number of cellular phone users in Egypt is around 8 or 9 milion only..

Gamal: WHAT?! ONLY?!?! WHO AM I SPEAKING TO EXACTLY?? WHAT DO YOU WORK IN THE COMPANY??

X: I am the Sales and Marketing Executive Sir..

Gamal: Give me your personal ID number...

X: May I ask who this is Sir? The company you are associated with?

Gamal: I AM NOT AUTHORIZED TO GIVE YOU THAT INFORMATION. GIVE ME YOUR PERSONAL ID NUMBER!!!

X: (Gives the number and trying to get smart says:) Do you want the address too?

Gamal: DON'T WORRY.. WE WILL GET IT!

(Gamal hangs up in X's face)

(A few moments later another "private call")

Gamal: OK LISTEN.. WE WILL SEND TO ALL THE NUMBERS IN THE DATABASE SEVERAL TIMES EACH..

X: Ok Sir...

Gamal: WE NEED TO SEND SMSs TO USERS IN THE GOVERNATES OF PORT SAID, MONOFEYYA, SUEZ ....

X: (cuts him short) But Sir we don't have numbers in those regions...

Gamal: WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! ARE YOU KIDDING?!

X: No Sir but most of the numbers in our database are from Cairo... the remaining are in Alexandria.. we don't have numbers in the other governates...

Gamal: WHAT?! CAIRO AND ALEXANDRIA ONLY?! THAT IS NOT ENOUGH!! THIS WON'T WORK!! WHAT IS THIS RUBBISH!!

(Gamal hangs up in X's face one last final time)

(Later...)

Me: Phew! So you didn't know where he was from?!

X: Wait .. I'm getting to that... Later my boss gets a call from some guy at the Republic's Presidency.. apparently he was my boss' friend.. he was kidding with my boss saying, "Come on man.. What was that.. Hehehe.. You were going to get alot of money man!! We called you guys up today and some guy called X said you couldn't send 18 million messages! Bad move!"

Me: Republic's Presidency?! Ahaaa... They were going to SMS to campaign for Mubarak! Pheww 18 million! Sure why not... they've got all our money.. But wait.. isn't it illegal for the Republic's Presidency to be involved?? I mean it being a government bureau and all? It should be impartial to any candidate right?

X: Yeah.. That's probably why he didn't want to say where he was calling from..

Me: Ohh.. and the Republic's Presidency expenses aren't covered by the Public Accounts Bureau.. they can fucking spend as much as they want on the campaign and noone would know.. bastards.. sweet start.. I hope it just comes down to campaign expenses..

X: Do you really think so?

Me: Ehhh....

Let the games begin!

OK so its begun! I don't have the slightest clue why I am excited.
I know the big fuck is gonna win... I know his son will win next time... I know nothing in the system will change much unless some mighty miracle happens (fuck he needs a revolution).. So why am I excited? I have no clue! I can't even vote because I don't have a fucking voting card ("Come November", he says :-/... motherfucker)

But its here.. the campaigning has started... So Ladies and Gentlemen.. Let the Games Begin!

WHY SHOULD ANYONE IN HIS RIGHT MIND VOTE HOSNI?

And how better to get into the campaigning mood than by taking a look at Hosni's "historical speech". And from where better to take the speech than from Egypt's biggest ass-kissing, dick-sucking pro-government newspaper... Al-Gomhuria. The following is an excerpt of the speech taken from the paper (DISCLAIMER: This is not for the faint of heart nor for those with high blood pressure) :

"When I recollect what we acheived together.. I Thank God.. and feel content and peace of mind and concience:
(I will let that pass... campaign bullshit.. the juicy part is next)
*Together we completed the liberation of every inch of our land
(Ok.. Job well done.. and completed.. Next time Israel refuses to return Taba I'll call you.. till then I don't see how this fits)
*Egypt has returned to its position in the Arabic line
(Really? Is that why we sat and watched US fuck Iraq? If anything Egypt has become a big name.. no real power.. no real prestige.. something like Jordan.. a US ass-kissing state pretending to still hold a decision making position in the Arab world... I know we have bigger internal problems.. but you came across an open wound here.. What happened to my country? The country I came to study in because I loved it so much although being so far.. The famouse nickname of Egypt "Mother of the world" has become an old and bitter sarcastic cliche.. and almost everyone I know follows it with the painfully true "Motherfucker.. this world")
*We refused the pressures that tried to get to our sovereignty
(What pressures? Don't tell me you mean having international election monitors! What a sad fuck.. This is so typical.. Bullshit propaganda to reach out to Egyptian US phobia.. Really a sad excuse for a human being this guy)
*Together we went on a battle against terrorism... and we still are.
(I am damn fucking sure the other 9 will do the same.. Don't worry about us.. but thanks for your concern)
*We established distinguished relations with our regional and international surroundings that enabled us to drop half our external debt
(Uhh... Currently our external debt is 34 billion as opposed to 4 billion during Sadat's rule.. So don't try to make your debt handling look like an achievement you sad fuck... "34 billion 3afreet yerkabook ya akhy" NOTE: numbers are from the misrdigital website and I am not sure the "billions" are in LE or USD)
*We preserved the peace without taking risks that gambled with the future of the sons of Egypt and the future of the homeland
(More general bullshit propaganda.. I feel Stalin is reaching out to me in communist Russia..)
*Together we succeeded in the establishment of a new and advanced infrastructure
(Where has this guy been for the past 24 years? Has he seen the roads?! Has he been abroad?! Has he ever compared?! What about the infamous electricity blackout that left Cairo in the dark a few months ago?? And the sewage eruptions?? Hell.. bad infrastructure has been such a norm in Egypt noone bothers to complain any more.. Seriously if I don't vote for him because he is a big fuck then for I won't vote for him because he is telling me that he doesn't know shit about this country)
*Modern networks of roads, transportation and communication
(Its like I was talking to myself - which is not all false. To give the guy some credit, I think we've had 2 media satellites launched and I should give him credit for low -and lowering- costs of high speed internet connectivity... yaaayy vote mubarak.. a bright future ahead)
*We built 22 new urban gatherings
(I don't understand who he means by "WE".. Aren't these people paying for the houses in these gatherings or are they a free gift from him? Or did he go out there and fucking build it himself? What is worng with this guy? Besides.. its a pretty old trick this thing about giving numbers instead of percentages.. 22 or 22 million.. how are normal people supposed to know if these numbers are enough or not... Come on man.. another old trick from communist Russia.. really.. grow up man!!)
*We provided more than 9 million job opportunities to our youth
(DONT FUCKING GIVE ME NUMBERS YOU BITCH... WHAT IS THE PERCENTAGE?! AND 9 MILLION JOBS IN 24 YEARS IN A COUNTRY THAT HAS A NEW BABY CRY "WWAAAAAAA" EVERY FEW SECONDS? motherfucker)
*Our production of electricity has increased around 7 times
(yippeeeeeeeeeee... but why do we still get sudden blackouts for days?!)
*Incoming tourism has increased by 8 times
(yes despite terrorism... tourism has increased... I think that is one of the very few good points which are true although you can never tell about that "8x times" thing but we'll go along with that.. I find a gleam of hope when I hear something I actually feel is true coming from that guy's mouth)
*The agricultural areas have increased by over 1 million fedans
(Interesting because according to misrdigital the agricultural areas have decreased from 6 million fedans during Sadat's rule to 4 million fedans during Hosni's rule)
*We now have 20 million students in the post-graduate and schooling years
(NO NUMBERSSSSS!!!! >:( And another problem with Egypt.. STOP GIVING ME QUANTITY.. WILL WE EVER THINK ABOUT QUALITY YOU SAD ASS YOU BITCH YOU KNOW WHAT THESE GUYS DID IN ONE OF THE SCHOOLS THAT Mrs.BUSH WAS VISITING HERE IN EGYPT THEY GAVE THE KIDS A HOLIDAY AND THEY BROUGHT IN KIDS FROM ANOTHER SCHOOL BECAUSE THE SCHOOL THAT Mrs.BUSH CHOSE TO VISIT WAS SO FUCKING BAD THAT THE STUDENTS DIDN'T KNOW SHIT AND THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING EMBARRASSED.... THATS YOUR 20 MILLION FOR YOU... "20 million ba3boos fe teezak ya akhy")
*35,000 schools and more than 500 universities and institutes
(Like i said :-/ and don't get me started on the universities... I can tell you from 1st hand experience... public universities are a big waste of time.. they're just as good as statues)

Blood pressure too high... barking to be continued

Nexy day...

*The health insurance network has extended to cover more than 36.5 million citizens, the social insurance network has extended to cover more than 18 million citizens, besides 9 million families the pensions and social security systems cover
(You know what.. I had no idea we had a social security system.. and when I asked my friend he said he wasn't sure but he said there is no support for the elderly or unemployed... even if there IS social security it's obviously not doing a good job... noone fucking knows about it.. and I'm pretty sure the health insurance network ain't any better with rising costs of medicine.. if it ain't paying for the medicines then what is it insuring exactly? Has he taken a look at the state of public hospitals? And on a less serious note... has he seen the nurses?! Fetish porn would have had a different meaning had this been the true face of nursing)
*We've cut general taxes to half
(One thing I should note is that income tax has been cut -fully or partially, I can't remember- by the last Prime Minister's cabinet (P.M. Ahmed Nazif). As a result friends who were working here for 1,800 L.E. (312 USD) or so a month have been getting up to 2,200 L.E. (381 USD) - or something in that range. But this has only taken place during this last year.. where the fuck was he in 24 years?)
*We have stuck with the protection of low-income citizens.. We have therefore preserved government commodity price support and price support for petroleum and electricity
(I would stick to the United Nations Development Programmme data regarding poverty in Egypt rather than President BigMouth's rubbish:
HPI-1 = Human Poverty Index ranking for 95 developing countries
Egypt ranks no. 47 (out of 95)
which puts Egypt somewhere around the 50 percentile amongst 95 DEVELOPING countries
If we list the 95 countries one after the other according to rank... and then remove all the non-arab leading and trailing countries.. Egypt would be somewhere in the 39 percentile if the list were trimmed to the first and last developing arab countries (the lower the percentile the worse we are)... That really isnt an accurate index for Egypt amongst arab countries but it at least an idea how we are doing amongst other developing arabs
Percentage of population living below 1$ a day (1997-2002) = 3.1%
Percentage of population living below 2$ a day (1997-2002) = 43.9%
Almost 44% have to eat,drink,clothe,live with less than 2 dollars a day (11 L.E. today.. in 2002 2$ was 9 L.E. and in 1997 2$ was 6 L.E) .. 2 dollars a day.. Ladies and gentlemen.. after 24 years... 2 dollars a day... not ONE.. but TWO dollars a day... this I say to President BigMouth:
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!
DON'T TALK ABOUT THE POOR WITH YOUR FILTHY STINKING TONGUE)
*We worked towards the glorification of the Egyptian woman's rights
(Although women's rights has traditionally been an outer cosmetic change done simply for the sake of being able to say that they are working on improving human rights in Egypt in general, still they deserve credit for effort.. AT LEAST in allowing women to divorce shitty husbands.. still lets see the UN data will we:
GDI = Gender-Related Development Index meausres achievements in Human Development but also takes into account gender-related inequalities
Egypt ranks 99 out of 144 countries
That is a percentile of 31 ... That's worse than my arabic
Women seats in parliament: 3.6% [6.7 percentile amongst the 163 countries measured]
Female administrators and managers:9.3% [9.6 percentile amongst the 83 countries measured]
Female professional and technical workers:30.3% [8.3 percentile amongst the 84 countries measured]
Ratio of female earned income to men: 0.39 [18 percentile amongst the 153 countroes measured]
Need I say more?)
*We created family courts
(Really how can one reply to that? Its like saying "We created Ultra-whitening toothpaste" You should seriously vote for this guy.. The guy has been president for 24 years.. Isn't he ashamed of saying something as silly as that for a re-election campaign?!)
*We achieved equality between fathers and mothers in giving Egyptian nationality to their children
(LOL .. that really cracked me up.. really that was the highlight of the "historical" speech.. this guy just gets sillier and sillier.. he's running out of things to say :D.. you can tell he is nearing the end of his speech )
*We expanded the judicial positions of the woman, including the appointment of the first female judge in the Constitutional Court
(Yeah that takes 24 years.. really this guy.. hopeless)
*We succeeded in the achievement of all that and others .. with a population increase of around 30 million in the last two decades
(Amazing how he uses a point against him to his favour... with a population increase of 30 million.. the guy should be ashamed to say something like 9 million new jobs... or a equal rights to Egyptian nationality -nothing against that, quite the opposite- but its hardly an achievement when faced with 30 million increase)
*We established the pillars necessary for the reinforcement of our democratic march
(I think you need to put one of those pillars somewhere else...they would be more usefull there.. If there's something I hate its those big fat hollow propaganda terms)
*Institutional and legal frameworks which supervise the respect of the constitution through the Supreme Constitutional Court; Guarantee judicial independence and the supremacy of the law; Reinforce multiple parties and the political participation; Protect the rights and the civil freedoms; Elevate human rights; And open the way for a free press that enjoys the freedom of expression about all political movements
(Bullshit is an understatement.. Its good that that was the last point.. Blood pressure is boiling)

Summary:

Mubarak: Ancient, blind and hopeless

Come to us 1st of November

Me: Excuse me, I want to produce my voting card.

Employee at Civil Affairs Section of my Police Station: Did you apply for it before?

Me: No. (Is he serious? Why would I apply for it more than once? And in Egypt?! I don't know anyone who applied for it EVER!)

Employee: First time ever?

Me: The voting card?!

Employee: Yes! Did you apply for it before?

Me: No! First time.

Employee: Ok. Come to us 1st of 11 [November].

Unconciously I give a face that would resemble this msn messenger smiley:

Something feels so fucking wrong.. and its TOO obvious that I take a moment to register what exactly is wrong with this picture..

Me: Uhh... the elections are in 9 [September].

Employee: Yeah I know but what can I do? Application for voting cards begins 1st of 11.

I remember a relative of mine taking a political science major mentioning something like that... "voting cards are issued only at certain periods.. but SUPPOSEDLY they are now issued automatically with birth.. at least for those who have been born in the 1980-something"

Me: Then what's this about voting cards being issued automatically?

The guy realizes it will be less tiring to explain than to try to give me the slip.

Employee: What's your name?

Me: [My Name] (Half expecting him to say ,"Sorry applicants beginning with that letter have to go to another Police Station". What's my name got to do with anything?)

Employee: When were you born? (Ok I realized I can't do much with your name.. maybe you're age is not in the 1980's so you don't have an automatically issued voting card yet and then you can go home and leave me to bum around in peace and flirt with the fat ugly ladies working with me?)

Me: [Year of Birth] (Sorry dude.. 1980's)

Employee: Where were you born? (Maybe you were born away from here so you can go wherever you came from and give THEM a hard time?)

Me: [Foreign Country] (Damn....)

Employee: Oh! You are born in [Foreign Country]... From where were you issued a birth certificate?

Me: (Oh fuck... no more fucked up procedures please.. and these fucked up silly questions) From [Foreign Country] ofcourse. (That's were I was born no?! Duuuh!)

Employee: Then we can't help you.



Me: I have an Egyptian Personal ID card.. Naturally I must have been issued a birth certificate here too!

Employee: When? and from which police station?

Me: (HOW THE FUCK WILL I KNOW?! I probably couldn't walk yet!) I dunno!

Employee: I am sorry but unless you have a birth certificate issued (1) from this police station (2) by 1986 then you will have to apply for a voting card in November.

Me: (losing hope... but I thought I'd ask what was needed anyway if you meet the requirements) Ok assuming that that is what I am... what papers are required?

Employee: Nothing just your Personal ID card and then we'll do a check up.

Me: Check-up? (I am kinda ignorant with government-sector-employee talk.. I thought some kind of physical check-up to make sure you are healthy enough to vote.. my mind goes far)

Employee: Ya.. we check that they are registered with us and all.

Me: Aha.... ("And all".. Whatever man.. I am totally lost.. I totally give up on this guy.. He wins.. Fuck the government)

New Updates..

Ok first off I feel really bad I haven't been adding to the blog lately.. Bad Me.. I will not even try to excuse it...
So some nice stuff has happened lately...
Before anything let me congratulate myself... The counter right there on the right says I've just passed the 100 visitor mark... Wuuuhuuu...
Ok second off.. I fucking fixed the javascript code for my "political" calendar... Let me get a couple of things straigth first...
(1) No I am not a dummy... I am lazy.. and just the thought of diving into someone else's 700+ lines of code made me put it off for a good while...
(2) No I am not stupid... I am stubborn... just taking the easy way out and opting for one of the zillion other free calendars out there would make me feel I was escaping... and I had to fix this one just to prove that I can do whatever I want if I want...
Ok so that out of the way.... the calendar is working the way *I* want now... It should be added to the blog soon... And I need to get a list of a few "political events" now... one thing for sure would be the elections.. I got a few other things on my mind and naturally it will be updated constantly to keep you on top of all that stuff....

Hmmmmm.. what else.. what else... yeah... I noticed lots of people (at least the ones I know - me included) don't really know how they should register to vote.. And just to make one thing clear.. even if you don't intend to vote... go and get registered... at least you would be protesting in your own silent way because I THINK that the "poll turnout" percentage takes into account only the people who are registered so for what its worth... it might make the NDP fucks look like sore losers... when the actual voters turn out much less than those who registered... Its like saying "I can vote but I won't 'cause you suck and 'cause I know your a bunch of fucked up fraudsters and I won't be a part of your shitty play"... DISCLAIMER: I am not really sure whether the "poll turnout" percentage is taken against the larger set of those who are of legal voting age or against the smaller subset of those who are of legal voting age who actually registered to vote... but knowing how the big fucks like to play with words and how the latter would normally result in a higher percentage, I believe it is the latter..

In any case... go and get registered... what do you have to lose? Be positive for once in your sorry lives... :P :)

Anyway about HOW to register I will hopefully get to that soon enough when I register myself :)

Hmmm what else.. what else... Ah yeah.. new job offer.. just when I thought I got away with it and could return to Egypt... another great offer comes along from abroad... anyway... we'll see...

Hmmmm... what else... Ahhh... yeah.. that translation of "confessions of a judge"... You didn't think I would forget about that did you? Hehe... Well its pretty much useless now... its kinda old news now... but since I am stubborn, I completed it.. but I won't be able to post it before I get back from my travel... which could be up to a few more weeks....

Hmmmm... I guess thats it for now? I know there a lot on my mind right now but leave it till later :)

That's it for now.. Later