Confessions of an Egyptian addict

Well.. I didn't know how to begin this post... It's not really abouut anything specific or concrete. Not an event that happened. Not an official I wanna bark at... It's about me.. My head. My feelings. I don't really know what to say.. I'm not very good at opening up.. but.. I don't know.. Maybe if I lay this out on the open.. things could somehow someway become clearer.. Well there's nothing really specific I wanted to say just that somethings been on my mind lately. It struck me at 6 a.m. two days ago.

There I was driving to my uncle's house. What really struck me was that while I was driving the one and only thought that was on my mind was Egypt. Specifically Egyptian politics. I know it sounds crazy. Driving at 6 a.m. in a foreign country and all I could think about was Egyptian politics. Democracy in Egypt. Kefaya. Hosni. The NDP. Demonstrations. Central Security. Hehe even the SandMonkey. And quotes from "1984"! Hell, so much has been going on lately and its as if I've been in the middle of it all. I guess what I'm trying to say is ... even I'M surprised. That single-most captiviating thought has become my whole essence. I can't watch TV without having a deep dark secret urge to switch to Al Jazeera just to check on any news remotely related to Egypt. Its like a scratching at the back of my head that I try hard to shrug off. Its become virtually impossible to browse the net any more without typing www.harakamasria.com , Kefaya movement's website. It's become out of my hands. It's a fucking obsession. I can't listen to a conversation regarding Egypt any more without showing a sudden surge of interest. Like someone pressed a button or something. I have become so obsessed with this issue.. its become fucking crazy.

I love Egypt. It's nothing new. But the extent... the depth... I'm fucking daydreaming about it at 6 a.m. Its fucking scary. And you know why I was still up at 6 a.m.? I was returning from my house going to my uncle's house where I was sleeping over. I didn't go earlier cause I was at home fucking debugging some Javascript code for a web-based calendar. A calendar that I was supposed to add to this blog to keep as a scedule of upcoming events. Upcoming political events in Egypt. That's what I was doing up to 6 in the morning. It all traces back again to Egypt.And you know what I did the next morning the moment I woke up? I took to the computer stores to look for a good deal on a laptop. A laptop I will certainly need if I am to stay updated with news about Egypt while travelling in a few days. Again... it traces back to Egypt. Almost everything I do these days just traces back to that one single........ hmmm... whats a good word for it... that one single.... ADDICTION. THAT DRUG. That would be it..... a drug. Its just so strong.. obsessive.. sweet.. abstract. Its a drug. A drug I feel so forcefully for. A drug that has lately been determining my very thougths and moves. A drug I soooo badly want!!! One thats got me hallucinated and obsessed. It feels so weird. YET.... at the same time... feels so correct. I dunno if its part of the hallucination or is this really my calling? It just feels so correct. So meant to be. So filled with purpose. So passionate and just plain simple right. I feel so on target. Is this what I am meant to be? Is this how one feels when he is on the right track to his purpose? His very meaning? Is this what I am meant to do?

I am so far away. But with a drug this strong... no matter HOW far I feel I will always come around at the end. Everything traces back to it. It's a magnet and I just can't control it. It's a fucking homing missle and it is so locked on target. UUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFF..............

I think I need a slap of reality to snap out of it.

Hehehe just on time... a chick's calling me.. someone wants to fool around so I guess I need to go. Scary to open up like that. I need to place those addict-thougths back into the dark secret cave that is my brain. Someone needs attending to.. so for now...